I’ve never been able to understand why I am still confused. I am growing up and somehow, I feel that my life is not turning out to be what I supposed it to. Most of my fellow teens have their dreams but I am not one of them. It’s just that I can’t figure out what I really want since childhood. Before, I was fine with that because I thought I still had more time to think. Sadly, many dream- searching years passed by without me having been able to find my dream. Probably, this had been one of the reasons why my last year in high school was one of the toughest I had to surpass.
Choosing a degree program could not have been harder if I knew what I really want. I must admit that during this time, I was lost and I did not have any plans. My parents helped me but they made it more confusing for me. My mother kept on insisting that I must took up nursing for it will provide greater opportunities for me to work abroad. On the other hand, my father was silent about it and he suggested that I must follow my heart. However, there was one desire that I kept in my heart for years. I have always wanted to study at the University of the Philippines. I spent many years imagining what it’s like to be there. I did work hard for it but I was not so confident that I would pass the difficult UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test). Luckily, I did meet the expectations of my parents. There was no doubt that I made my father proud when I passed the UPCAT. It was also doubtless that I made him sad when I gave up our dream. Every father would have wanted his daughter to follow his footsteps. So I let my dream go because I thought taking up Nursing was the better option then.
Another year passed by and I must say that I spent that year striving for a good academic performance with me barely knowing what lies ahead. Now that I am in my second year as a nursing student, realities are slowly settling in my mind. I am having second thoughts about pursuing this career. Also, I am starting to think that I might not become a skillful and competent nurse because I am weak. How can I provide tender loving care to my patients if I cannot overcome my fears?
My mind asks me to stop to reflect if the path I took was the right one while my heart voices out that I should not lean back and must go on. Once again, I am caught up in the middle of the battle between my mind and my heart. My past experience made me realize one thing: even though the mind is placed above the heart, it cannot control how it beats. Most of the time, the mind is taking over but it cannot change the rhythm of out heartbeat.
Happiness for me does not come from success or wealth. In my case, true happiness springs from seeing my loved ones fulfilled and providing love to the people who will occupy a big part of my life someday. My family does not need a lot of money but they, as human beings, have needs that I can provide through nursing.
Despite of my confusion, I still want to go on. That is why I need courage along the way and it comes from my family. They are my inspiration as I am going along the path which I took. The latter may not necessarily be the right path but if it leads to the happiness of my family, nothing can be more rewarding.
July 16, 2006
Maica Angelle
Choosing a degree program could not have been harder if I knew what I really want. I must admit that during this time, I was lost and I did not have any plans. My parents helped me but they made it more confusing for me. My mother kept on insisting that I must took up nursing for it will provide greater opportunities for me to work abroad. On the other hand, my father was silent about it and he suggested that I must follow my heart. However, there was one desire that I kept in my heart for years. I have always wanted to study at the University of the Philippines. I spent many years imagining what it’s like to be there. I did work hard for it but I was not so confident that I would pass the difficult UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test). Luckily, I did meet the expectations of my parents. There was no doubt that I made my father proud when I passed the UPCAT. It was also doubtless that I made him sad when I gave up our dream. Every father would have wanted his daughter to follow his footsteps. So I let my dream go because I thought taking up Nursing was the better option then.
Another year passed by and I must say that I spent that year striving for a good academic performance with me barely knowing what lies ahead. Now that I am in my second year as a nursing student, realities are slowly settling in my mind. I am having second thoughts about pursuing this career. Also, I am starting to think that I might not become a skillful and competent nurse because I am weak. How can I provide tender loving care to my patients if I cannot overcome my fears?
My mind asks me to stop to reflect if the path I took was the right one while my heart voices out that I should not lean back and must go on. Once again, I am caught up in the middle of the battle between my mind and my heart. My past experience made me realize one thing: even though the mind is placed above the heart, it cannot control how it beats. Most of the time, the mind is taking over but it cannot change the rhythm of out heartbeat.
Happiness for me does not come from success or wealth. In my case, true happiness springs from seeing my loved ones fulfilled and providing love to the people who will occupy a big part of my life someday. My family does not need a lot of money but they, as human beings, have needs that I can provide through nursing.
Despite of my confusion, I still want to go on. That is why I need courage along the way and it comes from my family. They are my inspiration as I am going along the path which I took. The latter may not necessarily be the right path but if it leads to the happiness of my family, nothing can be more rewarding.
July 16, 2006
Maica Angelle
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